Rainy Evenings

Here it is, my first weekend in Germany. I’ve been so busy since I got here that tonight is my first night really alone. And wow, am I alone. I hadn’t realized exactly how much I miss my family and being home where people actually understand exactly what I mean and why I do things the way I do. Is it culture shock? No. Speaking relatively decent German and having been here twice before nullified that aspect of the suck. This is 100%, Grade A homesick. I miss my mom and siblings, my puppy, my friends…knowing which store I can find the things I need. Sometimes life here is so ridiculously difficult and I‘ve been here a week- only 8 months, 4 weeks left- oh yeah, the countdown has officially started, check my facecrack).

And tonight, as I sit here at my laptop, finally catching up on my posts, all I can hear is the rain outside, battering at the windows in a full fledged effort to break in and drown me in nature’s tears. Frick, I am lonely. I could go and sit with my host family and listen to them chatter about inconsequential trivialities in that special slow and precise German they reserve for use only with me, or I could stay here alone with my thoughts and not have to be social because all I want is my mommy and to be home.

Or because this is a serious case of “suck it up princess”, I could just suck it the hell up. I think I just need to go do something, like laundry or making supper. And get over it. Because we all know the mommy I miss so much right now would seriously kick my ass for even thinking about coming home before my contract is over. So that said, I feel much better and I’ll try not to talk about my damn feelings so friggen much.

Love you mom. Miss you.